Forty-Four Proven Ideas Parents Can Use to Help Their Children Do Better in School

Making Time Count

1. Put specific times on your calendar each week when you will spend time with your children. During that time, focus your love and attention on your child.

2. Use car time to talk with your children. There's no phone or TV to interfere. No one can get up and leave. And kids know they really have your ear.

3. Plan to eat at least one meal together as a family each day.

4. Look for things to do together as a family. Get everyone involved in choosing how to spend your time together.

5. Try giving children TV tickets. Each week, each child gets 20 TV tickets. Each ticket can be used for 30 minutes of TV time. Any tickets remaining at the end of the week can be cashed in for 25 cents each. Parents can still veto a certain program, of course.

   Reading to Your Child

6. Try relaxing your family's bedtime rules once a week on the weekend. Let your child know that he can stay up as late as he wants-as long as he's reading in bed.

7. Help your child start their own library- paperback books are fine. Encourage child to swap books with friends. Check used book stores. Give books a gifts.

8. Want your children to be good readers? Let them see you read. In 1988, more students than ever reported that their homes contained few or no reading materials.

9. Try holding D-E-A-R times at your house. "DEAR" stands for "Drop Everything And Read." During DEAR time, everyone in the family sits down for some uninterrupted reading time.

10. With young children, try reading to them during bath time.

11. Use the "Rule of Thumb" to see if a book is on your child's reading level: Have your child read a page of the book aloud. Have her hold up one finger for each word she does not know. If she holds up four fingers and a thumb before the end of the page, the book is probably too hard for her to read alone. But it might be a great book to read aloud.

    Building Self-Esteem

12. Have child make a "book" about themselves, with their own illustrations and wording. "A Book About Me" is a great way to help your child see herself as "somebody."

13. Help your child discover their roots by talking with family members during holiday and other visits.

14. Constantly look for ways to tell your children what you like about them, that you love them. There is no age limit on this. "When I do something well, no one ever remembers. When I do something wrong, no one ever forgets." Those words were written by a high school dropout.

15. Let kids overhear you praising them to others.

16. Try "King/Queen for a Day" for good report cards.

17. Help kids learn from problems, not be devastated by them. Many parents don't ever use the word "failure." They may talk about a "glitch," a "problem," or a "snag." But even when something doesn't work out as they'd planned, successful people try to learn something from the experience.

    Discipline

18. In good weather, put two angry kids on opposite sides of a strong window or glass door. Provide each with a spray bottle of window cleaner and a rag. Then let them "attack." Their angry words will turn to laughter . . . and your window will be clean!

19. Try role playing to eliminate constant fighting. For five minutes, have the fighters switch roles. Each has to present the other person's point of view as clearly and fairly as possible. Odds are, they'll start laughing and make up. Better yet, they may come up with a compromise solution both parties like.

20. For better discipline, speak quietly. If you speak in a normal tone of voice, even when you're angry, you'll help your child see how to handle anger appropriately. And if you don't scream at your kids, they're less likely to scream at each other . . . or at you.

21. Try a "black hole" to keep toys and other belongings picked up. All you need is a closet or cabinet with a lock-the "black hole." When something is left out that should be put away, it gets put into the "black hole" for 24 hours. Once a favorite toy or something your child needs is locked up for 24 hours, there is greater incentive to keep it where it belongs. This works best when the whole family participates.

    Solving School Problems

22. Try looking over children's study materials and making up a sample quiz as they study for upcoming tests.

23. Talk with school "In time of peace" before major problems develop.

24. How to make report cards a positive experience: Preparation. Ask, "What do you think your report card will tell us?" Getting ready is helpful. Perspective. Understand that a report card is just one small measure of your child. A child with poor grades still has plenty of strengths. Positive action. Find something to praise. Focus on how to improve.

25. Be aware that your attitudes about school affect your child. If you hated math, be careful not to prejudice your child.

    Motivating Your Child

26. Children need the 4 "A"s as well as the 3 "R"s: Attention, Appreciation, Affection, and Acceptance.

27. Some researchers believe every child is gifted-if we will just look for the ways. Helping a child see his giftedness is very motivating.

28. Encourage children to read biographies about successful people. As children learn about the traits that made others successful, they are often motivated to adopt those same success patterns in their own lives.

29. Motivate your children in math by challenging them to figure out how much change you should get back from a purchase. If they get the amount right, they get to keep the change.

30. Praise children constantly.

    Building Responsibility

31. Try a simple cardboard box to help make your child responsible for school belongings. Have your child choose a place for the box-near the door or in his room. Every afternoon, his first task should be to place all belongings in the box. When homework is finished, it goes in the box, too. In the morning, the box is the last stop before heading out the door.

32. Help children understand, and take responsibility for, the consequences of their choices. "I chose to do my homework. The result was that I got an 'A' on my math test." "I chose to get up 15 minutes late. The result was that I missed breakfast . . . and nearly missed the bus."

33. Try giving your child the responsibility of growing a small garden-even in just a flower pot. The positive and negative results of carrying out your responsibilities are very clear.

34. One reader found a way to keep children moving in the morning: After her daughter wakes up, Mom begins to play her favorite record album. Her daughter has until the side plays through to get herself dressed for school.

    Reinforcing Learning

35. Encourage kids to collect things. Whether they collect rocks, shells, leaves, or bugs is not important. But by collecting, children are learning new ways to make sense out of their world.

36. Estimating is an important math skill. We estimate how much our groceries will cost. We estimate how much time we'll need to complete a project at work. You can help your child learn to estimate at home. Here's one idea: As you're driving, estimate the distance to your destination. Then estimate how much time it will take to get there. Use the odometer or a map to check your work.

37. Talk about geography in terms children can understand: Go through your house and talk about where things came from. A calculator may have come from Taiwan. A box of cereal may have a Battle Creek, Michigan address, or White Plains, New York. Talk about where the wheat for your bread came from. Where was the cotton for your blue jeans grown? Tell your children where your ancestors came from. Find the places on a map.

38. Show your child that writing is useful. Have them help you write a letter ordering something, asking a question, etc. Then show them the results of your letter.

    Homework

39. Try playing "Beat the Clock" with your child during homework time. Look over the assignment and figure out about how long it should take to complete it. Allow a little extra time and set a timer for that many minutes. No prizes are needed. There is great satisfaction in getting the work done on time.

40. Teach your child to use the formula "SQ3R" when doing any homework assignment. The letters stand for a proven five-step process that makes study time more efficient and effective: Survey, Question, Read, Restate, Review.

41. Here are five tips to make homework time easier-for you and your child: 1. Have a regular place for your child to do homework. Use a desk or table in a quiet room. Be sure there's plenty of light. 2. Find a regular time for homework. You may want to make a rule, "No television until homework is finished." 3. During homework time, turn off the TV and radio. 4. Help your child plan how she'll use her time. 5. Set a good example. While your child is doing homework, spend some time reading or working yourself. Then when homework is done, you can both talk about how much you've accomplished.

42. Nitty gritty homework tips: Do the most difficult homework first. Save "easy" subjects for when you're tired. Do the most important assignments first. If time runs short, the priorities will be finished. Do what's required first. Finish the optional assignments later-even if they're more fun.

43. Look over your child's homework everyday. Start at an early age and keep it up as long as you can. Praise good work. Your interest will encourage good work.

44. Try having your child teach you the homework. The teacher always learns more than the student.

 

Copyright © 2000, The Parent Institute, P.O. Box 7474, Fairfax Station, VA 22039-7474, 1-800-756-5525.

SOME PARENTING TIPS

 

PROMOTING A POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE
When one tries to give a child a good self-image, positive guidance rather than negative guidance helps to create the environment in which this sort of self-image can flourish. Children’s feelings are very important. In correcting a child’s actions, one should never shame a child, especially in front of other children. The child may also confuse this with personal rejection, so it is better to be quiet, firm, and fair when disciplining a young, sensitive child. You want the child to know that it is the behavior you disapprove of, and not the child.

ATTENTION-SPAN TIP
Young children have a short attention span. When playing games that require any concentration, keep in mind that their attention span is about one minute more than their age. You need to try to vary the activities you do and the pace at which you do them to keep children interested in such things as stories, songs, and games. When they become restless, it is best to stop the activity.

EXPRESSIVE PLAY
Children have very vivid imaginations, so creative play is very important in their development. Convert a bottom dresser-drawer that little ones can reach, or decorate a box to use. Fill the drawer or box with old costumes, formals, and discarded clothes to be used for creative play. Other items such as hats, capes, jewelry, old purses, and particularly Halloween costumes can be put in the drawer. Consignment shops or discount stores offer a multitude of items at an inexpensive price, if you don’t have anything readily available at home for this activity.

GRANDPARENTS & CHILDREN
Children gain respect for and a greater appreciation of each generation when they can interact with people or loved ones older than they are. Sharing pictures of themselves as children, relating experiences and stories, and passing on special skills to young ones helps bridge the gap between the ages. Grandparents can often help children do school projects and repairs, prepare food, read stories, and play sports. Long-distance relationships can be encouraged through letter-writing, pictures, e-mail, and phone calls. Older children can be encouraged to help elderly neighbors or volunteer time at nursing homes, hospitals, or senior-citizen centers, where there are a lot of activities that promote sharing and the development of valuable friendships.

PRESCHOOL DISCOVERY-WALK
Take a walk with your child outdoors around the neighborhood, or perhaps a park. Talk to your child about the ways objects differ in texture. Some objects, if not on private property, may be collected. Larger objects can simply be observed. Describe how the object might feel; smooth, rough, shiny, furry, wet, or dry. This activity, besides allowing you to spend time one-on-one with your child, is also a good source of exercise.

LUNCH-MONEY TIP FOR YOUNG CHILDREN
For very young children, making sure lunch money doesn’t get lost can be a problem. Often, wallets or little purses are accidentally left on a tray and thrown in the garbage, such as in the school cafeteria. An inexpensive solution is to send a ziplock sandwich bag to school with their money in it. Make sure to write their names on it with a permanent marker. They can keep this in their folders, securing it with a paper clip, or in their backpacks, returning it daily. If it doesn’t come back home, you ‘re only out a sandwich bag. This helps teachers keep track of each child’s money, especially if it’s collected in the morning when there’s a lot of activity going on.

CHILD SAFETY TIP
When traveling to the beach, remember the sunscreen. Also, adults may be used to spending long hours in the sun, but small children need to rest in the shade or indoors sometime during the hottest part of the day. Children will benefit from a rest in the middle of the day and be better prepared to enjoy evening activities.

EASE MORNING STRESS
The night before school, a five- to ten-minute routine can reduce morning school anxiety. Have your child make sure everything that is needed for school the next day is in a backpack. A good idea is to keep the backpack near the door. If it is placed in the same spot every night, your child will be less likely to forget it when leaving for school the next morning. Ensuring that everything is ready the night before will help avoid leaving things at home during the morning rush.

SELF-ESTEEM
Negative criticisms such as judging, criticizing and blaming can chip away at your child’s self-esteem. Children’s self-concepts are shaped by the evaluations of parents and teachers. These people play a very significant role in the lives of children. When children are constantly subjected to negative comments about themselves, they come to think of themselves as no-good, undeserving, and unlikable. Children usually respond with defensiveness and anger in order to protect their own self-image. Being an active listener instead of an active criticizer can open the doors for communication, and a greater trust will be developed between adult and child.

PREVENT ACCIDENTAL POISONING
Have you ever had a small amount of liquid substance, such as antifreeze or gasoline, which you wanted to save, so you grabbed a 2 liter bottle, poured the liquid into the bottle, and then stored it in the corner of your shed, basement, or garage in plain view? Beware! To a toddler or youngster, this bottle looks inviting. A child may mistake the contents for Kool-Aid or soda and attempt to drink it.

Keep all chemicals in original containers, if possible. Preferably, store them up high in cabinets with child safety locks. NEVER leave chemicals under the kitchen sink or on the floor near the washer, and NEVER pour any poisonous substances into things like milk jugs, soda bottles, or empty plastic juice containers. Do safety checks around your home to protect your children from accidental poisoning.

PRESCHOOL MUSIC WITH A TWIST
Children love to listen to music and respond to it, especially music with a fast beat. You can make a game of it and improve your child’s coordination at the same time. Give your child a piece of carpet, about a foot square. Place it on a smooth floor, like tile, with the backing up. Next, select some fun music with a fast beat. Allow your child to twist, move or sway in any desired fashion, as long as the child’s feet remain on the square of carpet. This works well, especially if several children are playing together. They become quite skilled at twisting on their carpet mats. This is good exercise and children enjoy listening to their favorite music while having fun.

CHILD SAFETY: WILD ANIMALS
Most children naturally love animals and want to pet and hug them. However, they should be taught not to approach unfamiliar animals such as squirrels, stray cats and dogs, etc. There is always a danger of rabies, infections and being harmed. Help children understand that wild or stray animals may be observed, but not touched. If an unfamiliar animal wanders into the yard, they should be instructed to tell an adult, and not touch the animal.

 SCHOOL PHOBIA
Most children experience a degree of anxiety when first starting school. To help prevent school phobia, some steps can be taken to ease a child’s fear.
- If a school has an orientation, try to attend with your child. The more familiar the child is with the surroundings, the less anxiety he or she will experience.
- Visit the school before opening day and if possible, show the child the classroom and try to meet the teacher.
- Speak positively about school to your child.
- Establish a morning school routine that doesn’t rush your child. Rushing causes even more anxiety for your child.
- Even before the school year begins, try to involve your child in supervised activities with other children, and without your presence.

 CHILD DEVELOPMENT: READING

Children’s minds are like sponges, absorbing a great deal of information, even at a very young age. You can help encourage an interest in reading in many ways.
- Make time to read often to your child. Young children especially enjoy picture books and books with texture. Primary age children like stories about animals and children.
- Let your children see YOU reading!When children see adults reading books, magazines, and newspapers for enjoyment this will influence their desire to read.
- There are many programs at local libraries for preschoolers and school-age children. Get your children involved!
Books open up a world of wonder to children. By leading your child to reading at a young age, your child may develop the skills and interest necessary for a lifetime of reading for enjoyment as well as knowledge.

BULLIES
Elementary-age children are often the targets of bullies. Children should learn that having a confrontation with a bully is not the best course of action to follow. Rather, they should be taught that, in most cases, particularly if they are alone or outnumbered, it is better to surrender items demanded by the bully. Further, children should be instructed to immediately report the incident to a parent, teacher, or someone in authority. By doing so, they will be able to give a good description of the bully and hopefully prevent others from becoming their prey. Also, ask your children to travel in pairs when possible.

 MONEY TIP
Teach children not to carry all their money in one place. Some money may be carried in a wallet or purse. Additional money may be hidden in a sock, a belt with a pouch, or in a book bag. Children should not carry much more money than they actually need, but they should have enough extra money for a phone call or bus fare, in case of an emergency.

KEEPING YOUR CHILDREN SAFE
Teach children to keep you informed about where they are going and to be specific about the time they will return. Help them understand the importance of not going alone to places like movies, ballparks, or amusement parks. They should learn to be aware of their surroundings and be wary of taking shortcuts, or going through alleyways, vacant lots, or unknown wooded areas. Children should always have someone else with them when using public restrooms.
Discuss these safety tips with your child in a friendly, informative manner that will help to promote self-awareness but not invoke undue fear and nervousness. Your goal is to keep your children safe in their daily lives: Don’t scare them so much that they are afraid to step out the front door!

FAMILY RULES
It’s a good idea to set family rules concerning your child’s limitations and responsibilities in his or her daily activities. When rules are pre-established and emphasized, they are easier for your child to remember and follow. Some rules should be modified as your child matures and is given more responsibility.
Make sure your child understands the need for rules, not only at home, but also in society. Take time to talk to your child about rules and listen to his or her concerns.

SEASONAL SHARING
Here’s a great way to involve your young child in the changing seasons. With each changing season, read books about the new season and discuss all the changes that happen (leaves will turn bright colors, bears hibernate, we dress more warmly, we celebrate the holidays associated with the season, etc.). Your child will become much more aware of her environment. Using the changing season as a theme also opens the door for creative thinking and ideas for art activities and seasonal crafts. You and your children will enjoy sharing time together in a seasonal-related activity.

HOT STOVE SAFETY TIPS
When cooking on a hot stove, several precautions for children should be taken.
Always turn pot handles in away from the edge of the stove. Children can very quickly grab the handle and spill the hot contents on themselves.
Don’t allow children to bounce balls or throw toys around in the kitchen.
Use burner covers to keep little hands from getting burned.
Children see you opening and closing the oven door and putting things in the oven. Teach them early on that the stove is not a toy and it is very hot.
If your child is old enough to do some baking, always begin with adult supervision, teaching safety precautions as you proceed.

BUS SAFETY
Injuries can occur at or near the school bus stop because of pushing or shoving in the line waiting to board the bus. Adult supervision is helpful, but here’s an idea that really seems to help: Using sidewalk chalk, draw a thick line or star at the place where children are to stand while waiting for the bus, keeping the mark a safe distance away from the street curb. By giving children a guideline to go by, they are less likely to rush and push in their efforts to board the bus. If there are only a few children in line, they can also take turns every day as to who gets on first. Any child that is continually rowdy or uncooperative should be reported to the school authorities and the parents.

TRACKING ASSIGNMENTS
Beginning in the primary grades, encourage young children to keep an assignment notebook. Both parent and child need to read it daily. Help children be aware of long-term assignments by keeping a calendar at home just for their assignments. Let them write down assignment dates so you can encourage them to start on long-term projects well before they’re due. Both parent and child will be less frustrated because assignments won’t be forgotten or rushed in an attempt to complete them the night before they’re due.

UNCLUTTERED ENVIRONMENT
Your child can help you organize his cluttered room. Save empty shoeboxes to put into drawers to serve as dividers for socks, underwear, etc. Use plastic ice trays that are stackable to hold pairs of earrings, necklaces, barrettes, etc. Make sure your child’s room is equipped with as many shelves, hooks, and bins as possible. Give children plastic baskets and zipper type bags to keep all their tiny toy pieces together. Also, shoe bags can be used to store stuffed animals, small dolls, and other favorite possessions. Get their opinion and let your children actively help organize their rooms. If they participate in the design, they’re more likely to use a system they helped create. For very young children, glue pictures of the objects to be stored on the end of clear plastic boxes and place them on low shelves for easy access.

DRESS FOR SAFETY
With the onset of winter, it’s important to dress your child with safety in mind. Winter days mean your child is likely to be out in dim light in the mornings or early evenings. For protection, have your child wear clothing that has reflective material on it. This includes backpacks, bicycle helmets, and shoes. Reflective material increases your child’s visibility to motorists, and hopefully will prevent needless accidents.

DRAWSTRING DANGERS
Many clothing articles come with drawstrings. However, drawstrings pose a real safety hazard to children. (Long scarves fall into this safety hazard, too.) The problem arises when drawstrings or scarves become trapped in school bus doors or playground equipment, or tangled in bicycle chains or spokes. Children can be dragged or strangled. Be alert to this danger when buying clothes, and avoid any jackets, etc, that have drawstrings. Also, remove drawstrings from any children’s clothing you already have.

HOLIDAY MEMORIES
Holidays should be a time of joy and family sharing, even when conditions are not optimal. At holiday time, children should never be the objects of divorced parents’ bickering, nor should either parent use the child against the other. Make plans that are reasonable and fair, well ahead of time. Include fun activities, where the child can spend time making happy memories with each parent. If one parent can’t celebrate a holiday on the actual day, then plan to celebrate another day with your child. If one parent lives in another city and the child can’t share the holidays with that parent, encourage communication through letters, e-mail, or phone calls. Your child’s emotional well-being should be your main concern, and positive interaction with both parents is always beneficial to the child.

WATCH THOSE VITAMINS
Today, children’s vitamins often come in colorful cartoon character shapes; they’re chewable and very tasty to a child. Because they’re so appealing to children, use caution when storing vitamins, placing them out of their reach. Overdoses of vitamins can have serious and even fatal results. Many are fortified with iron, which is fine for one daily dose; however, iron can pose a real health threat when taken in large doses. Never refer to vitamins as candy and always supervise their consumption.

PARTY FAVORS
Children love parties, and particularly party balloons. Because they’re fascinated by all the shapes and colors, small children often want to hold and chew on balloons. This is very dangerous, since the balloon pieces can become lodged in the throat and block the air passage, resulting in choking. You don’t want children to blow up balloons, either, because if the balloon deflates while the child is trying to fill it with air, the backward pressure can force the balloon down into the windpipe.

THE GIVING SPIRIT
With the December holidays approaching, many children will be receiving new toys and clothes. This is a great time to begin teaching your child about the good feeling that comes with helping those less fortunate. In your household, have a round-up of outgrown clothes, particularly warm winter coats, and any toys your child wants to part with. Take them to area shelters or churches. Talk to your child about the needy and help them to see that kindness and caring are good qualities to show others, any time of the year.

SPECIAL NEEDS INSTRUCTION
If your child has special medical needs, make sure that teachers, sitters, and day care workers are aware of this fact. Don’t forget to include extracurricular caretakers, such as coaches and marching band directors. Even though medical records are kept on each student, arrange a special note and/or conference with your child’s caregivers. Make sure instructions are followed; your child’s safety may be at risk.

CHILDREN’S ROLE MODELS
Children emulate adults in many ways. Like it or not, adults provide role models for their children, temper tantrums included. Studies have shown that people who are slow to anger and who look for the good in others have stronger immune systems and fewer heart attacks than cynical people do. In addition, being more affectionate with your children is beneficial physically and emotionally to you and them, and promotes behavior that positively affects your child’s future well-being. By finding ways to be nicer and more considerate to everyone around you, you and those you care about will reap the benefits.

MAKE TIME FOR FAMILY
All of us can get very busy and quite involved in our daily routines. Sometimes, we lead such hectic lives that each family member travels on an opposite track most of the time. It’s a good idea to try to plan an event (even staying at home to play games) that allows for time to talk or spend time together as a family. Although everyone in the family may not be able to make the event, schedule an occasional outing that allows for individual interests, so that everyone can have fun participating. Even though the family get togethers may not be totally blissful, the family bonding that occurs while spending some time together provides an important element of the feeling of love and acceptance that’s so important in every child’s development.

AGREE ON DISCIPLINE
Where the discipline of a child is concerned, consistency is very important, as is a united agreement in the presence of the child. Many times a child will try to pit one parent or adult authority against the other, so it’s best to be prepared when this occurs. Try to be in agreement with the other caregivers as to fair punishments or limitations you give your child. Each should understand what behavior constitutes a need for grounding or other suitable punishment; let your child know his limitations and what the consequences will be if the rules are broken. It’s up to the grown-ups to be consistent and support each other in all areas of child discipline.

BE INVOLVED
As parents, we are constantly giving out signals to our children. When it comes to the importance we place on education, we very much want to convey a positive message. By attending school functions such as an open house, teacher conferences, and school activities your child is involved in, you’re giving your child a positive signal that you’re very interested in his progress and proud of his accomplishments and efforts at school. This participation lets your child know you care and gives you the opportunity to discover any problems they may be having. Attending school functions will make you more aware of your children’s strengths and weaknesses so that you’ll be able to provide the support they need to do well academically.

COLD WEATHER SAFETY
When children stay outside to play in the cold, they’re often oblivious to the effects of very cold temperatures. Make sure you dress your children in layers to maintain a warmer body temperature. If gloves (waterproof gloves are best) or any other clothing becomes wet from ice or snow, the clothing should be changed immediately to help prevent frostbite. Advise children that whenever fingers and or toes begin to sting, this is a sign they should come inside and warm up.

DOORWAY PUPPET SHOW
You can encourage imaginative play by creating a puppet curtain that can be used in a convenient doorway. All you need is a tension-mounted curtain rod and a bright colored square of fabric that will fit half the doorway height from the floor. Either hem the bottom or cut it with pinking sheers, and then hem the top of the curtain to thread onto the rod. (An old cloth shower curtain cut in half to fit the doorway is ideal.) Have your child kneel down in back of the curtain after you hang it and cut an opening just the right size for a puppet stage opening. You can bind the opening with bias tape and let your child cut out felt decorations and small curtains and glue them on to finish the look.

IMPROVING STORYTELLING SKILLS
Help your children develop storytelling skills by encouraging them to tell a story about their day. Tell them stories about your childhood and stories your parents or grandparents have told you. Get in the habit of sharing family stories on a regular basis, perhaps at bedtime or at supper.
Also, encourage your children to ask their grandparents to share family stories. The children may be curious about their first love, or about the day their mom or dad was born, or how different it was when they were children. (And no, your kids won’t believe their stories of you walking five miles in two feet of snow just to get to school!)

KEEP YOUR ADDRESS HANDY
Since an accident can happen at any time, it’s wise to keep an address book or a list containing important phone numbers near your phone. BE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR OWN PHONE NUMBER AND HOUSE ADDRESS. In a real emergency, people frequently panic, and sometimes can’t remember their own phone and house numbers! Keeping your home address and telephone number is also handy for baby-sitters and houseguests. So keep these numbers posted in plain sight, along with those of your pediatrician, the Poison Control Center, and a close friend or relative. Inform baby-sitters and house guests where this information can be found. You may want to write this information out and post it near the telephone.

BEDTIME FEARS
If you have a child about three years of age, he’s probably been going to bed with no problems. However, be advised that around this age, children sometimes begin to fear monsters under the bed and bears in the closet. They may experience bad dreams that seem very real to them. Try to reassure your child by letting him sleep with a favorite stuffed animal or listen to soothing tapes at bedtime. You may also try leaving on a nightlight.
Limit bedtime excitement, such as excessive television viewing (always screen out scary shows) and try not to let children stay up too late. If children get out of their routine, they may become restless and experience bad dreams, particularly when they’re overtired. Find what works for your child to chase away fears. One imaginative parent uses a squirt gun to get rid of the monsters at bedtime; her child feels more secure after a nightly ritual of squirting the corners of her room!

TOSS OUT OLD MEDICINES
For safety reasons, you should always discard any old or outdated medicines. If any medication’s expiration date has passed, toss it out! Acetaminophen or aspirin that smells like vinegar should also be thrown away. Discard chipped, cracked, or discolored tablets and any capsules that are soft, cracked, or stuck together. Discard any liquid medication that has thickened, changed color, or has a strange odor. Also throw away any ointments that have hardened, discolored, or developed a strange odor.

TODDLERS AND TABLECLOTHS
If you’ve ever watched a toddler learning to walk, you know how they love to pull up on anything nearby. A coffee table, a box, a table leg-she’ll grab onto anything that will help her stand.
Even though a tablecloth is attractive on your table, it can pose a danger to your toddler or small child, since those dangling tablecloth edges look like the perfect pulling up prop. If you place any hot liquids or heavy dishes on the table, your toddler may be injured if he pulls on the tablecloth to help him stand up. So be sure to keep an eye on your toddler as you’re putting dishes on the table for a meal; you can also choose not to use a tablecloth until your child gets a bit older.

BEDTIME READING
The best way to encourage your child to read is by letting him see how much you enjoy reading. In addition, even ten minutes of reading a bedtime story each night can influence your child toward reading. The next time you put your child to bed, ask, "Would you like me to turn out the lights or read to you for ten minutes?" I think you know the answer you’ll receive!
Find a book appropriate to his reading level and read one chapter a night; if your child can read, let her read quietly for a few minutes after you finish the chapter. She may even want to read to you!

RATIONAL DISCIPLINE
In the heat of anger, parents sometimes impose a punishment too severe for the child’s infraction. Afterwards, they may feel they’ll lose their authority if they don’t follow through with their original statement of discipline, even though they realize it’s too harsh.
Sometimes it’s better to let your child know he will be disciplined, but you will decide later on the punishment (how long he’ll be grounded, for example). This way, you can make a rational decision after the heat of the moment has passed, and impose a penalty appropriate for the situation. Besides, the child’s anticipation of a coming punishment will remain in his memory far longer than the actual penalty.

BULLETIN BOARDS
Every child likes to display her artwork or special recognition awards. Instead of taping or stapling everything to her bedroom walls, give your child her own bulletin board for her room. She can use it for invitations, postcards, special letters, schoolwork, or sentimental items she wants to keep. Hang the bulletin board on the wall using a decorative cord; then you can decorate or paint the frame to match the decor of the room. The bulletin board will help keep things a little more organized, and your child can change the items easily.

HISTORY VIDEO OR SCRAPBOOK
This project is one that will become more important to your child as he gets older. Have your child video tape the elders in your family, such as grandparents, great-aunts and great-uncles. Let your child be the interviewer, asking the relatives questions about any stories they want to share.
Your child may want to ask about important events in their lives and any fond childhood memories they want preserved. (This would make a good school project or something Scouts might want to do to earn a badge.) If a video camera is not available, the child can still interview the adults, either using a tape recorder or taking notes; he may also want to take some pictures of these relatives. Sharing the results would be fun at the next family gathering, and your children will end up with a great keepsake.

TIME FOR HOMEWORK
When children have difficulty concentrating on homework, they may do better if they study for shorter periods of time. For young children, doing homework in 15-minute intervals seems to help their concentration. When they know they’ll get a break soon, they want to work harder, and the work doesn’t seem so overwhelming. Sometimes using a timer within their view, set for 15 minutes, will keep them motivated and challenged to get more work finished before the bell rings.

CHILD’S TRAVEL KIT
Convert an old lunch box into a handy travel kit. First cover the top and sides with smooth contact paper. Decorate the sides with decals of places you visit with your child. The top will provide a smooth surface for your child to draw or write on. Pack the lunchbox with small items to entertain your child. Include some small notepads, crayons, colored pencils, postcards, stamps, and small travel games. See how many fun things you can pack into it for your child’s next trip!

SHARING A ROOM
If your children share a room, are you always looking for ways to help them keep their things from becoming mixed up with a brother’s or sister’s? Try letting each child choose a favorite color, then co-ordinate the accessories in the shared room in that color. Use each child’s chosen color for the dresser knobs on their side of the dresser, for clothes hampers, wastebaskets, and storage containers. Label a bulletin board with a decorative name tag designed by each child using his special color. Allow each child an area of individual space to hang, posters, memorabilia, and other things that express their interests and accomplishments. Children that share a room still need space in which to express their own identities.

BACK YARD FUN
Sometimes children get tired of swings and sliding boards. For a change, help them make (or provide them with) some fun, safe, objects to create their own obstacle course. Purchase a cheap stopwatch and teach them how to time themselves and their friends when they do the course. Use items such as old tires, staggered in a row to form a running course, bases in which soccer balls have to be maneuvered in and out of, and bean bags for them to throw at targets. Parents can check out the completed course to make sure it’s safe and make some suggestion if need be. You’ll probably be amazed at how creative your children and their friends can be.

RAINY DAY BOX
Find a cardboard box with a lid, like the ones used to hold office paper. Let your child draw a happy scene on a piece of paper the same size as the lid. Glue the picture to the lid and have your child print on the side of the box the words Rainy Day Fun! Inside the box, place a list of pictures for your child to draw. Be creative when making your list. Tell your children to explore their imaginations when drawing their pictures. Here are a few ideas: design the ultimate playroom, design a house for your pet with all the special features you want your pet to have, or create the ultimate secret tree house. Fill the box with art paper and crayons, markers and colored pencils, stickers and paintbrushes. Surprise your children with new drawing themes and fresh supplies from time to time.

HEARING PROBLEMS
Even before a child enters school, sometimes even in infancy, parents may suspect a hearing problem. This is important, because early detection can make a difference in a child’s learning ability and future reading success. When a baby doesn’t react to sounds or seems unresponsive to words, there may be a problem. Be sure to have your toddler’ hearing checked if she has a severe speech problem. A young child who needs everything repeated definitely requires a hearing test.
Another clue to a possible hearing problem is a child who talks very loudly or asks to have the T.V. turned up loud in order to hear it. Take your child to the pediatrician and discuss your concerns, just to ensure that if your child does have a hearing problem, you can get treatment early.

RECYCLED PICKLE JAR
Make this quick and easy pencil and penholder from a pickle jar. First, thoroughly wash and dry a tall pickle jar. Purchase a pack of colorful rubber bands. Slip the rubber bands around the jar, so that they resemble colorful rings. Bunch several colors together, then leave a space and bunch some more, until you reach the top of the jar. Now it’s ready to store pencils. You can also slip small notes under the rubber bands to remind you of messages, appointments, or projects that are due. Pull off the old notes and add new ones as needed.

CHILDREN AND THE INTERNET
Because the Internet can be used to lure unsuspecting children into all kinds of situations, teach your children how to use the Internet safely. Discuss with your children the importance of NEVER giving out their names, home address, phone number, school name or location. They also should realize the danger of giving out their password or any other identifying information without their parent’s permission.
In your household, set up rules governing the dos and don’ts of meeting people via the Internet. Check out the software available for regulating and tracking children while they surf the net. Since children don’t like to feel like they are being spied on, perhaps you can keep the computer in a high traffic area of the house, where an adult can discreetly view which sites their children are most interested in.

CEREAL BOX MAGAZINE HOLDER
When you’ve finished with a large box of cereal, don’t pitch the box in the trash. Instead, convert it into a container to hold magazines. First, make sure the box is totally free of any cereal. Now, cut off the entire lid. Next, cut off the left-hand corner at an angle. (Be sure you cut the front and back of the corner evenly.) Cover the outside of the box with contact paper. Next, smooth more contact paper over the edges and into the inside as far as you can reach. Using a permanent marker, write My Favorite Magazines across the front of the box. Make more than one if you have a lot of magazines and eat a lot of cereal.

STAY AWAY FROM STRANGERS
Teach your children to be leery of strangers, and to always keep their distance (at least two arms’ length), particularly when they are alone. Sometime strangers who mean to harm them will use very tempting bribes to get the children to come closer. Stories about a lost puppy, an offer of a ride in a cool, snazzy car, or gifts of bikes and toys - these are just a few of the ploys used to get childrens’ attention. Teach your children to say no and quickly walk away. Make sure they know to immediately find and tell an adult what happened. Of course, being with a buddy is a good idea, but if your child is alone, knowing he should not listen to or believe any stranger’s bribes will keep him safer.

INAPPROPRIATE TOUCHING
Teach your children that even though you always want them to be polite, when it comes to personal safety, they have a right to speak sharply and to be direct—particularly if anyone tries to touch your child in an inappropriate way. Children need to learn not to be afraid to say " stay away " in a loud voice and move away from that person. Teach your children to tell a trusted adult of any incidents. Make sure your child learns this rule: Any part of your body that a bathing suit covers is private, and strangers or anyone else should not be touching you there. Even in the case of a Doctor’s examination, a nurse or trusted adult should always be present.

OPEN LINES OF COMMUNICATION
Even though children are influenced a great deal by peer pressure, there are things a parent can do to combat the negative messages some of their friends may be giving them. One key element in helping your teenage children is to spend time with them: Take them shopping, out to eat, fishing, to a concert, etc. The more time you spend with your teenager, the more opportunities will arise for conversations that will help your teen open up to you. These occasions also give you a chance to practice and encourage the values you want your children to live by, without seeming to lecture, which teens usually resent. Find something you enjoy doing together and keep your relationship strong. Enjoying the company of your child will benefit you both.

KEEP TO A ROUTINE
One way to help children and parents manage their time better is to insist on keeping to a daily routine in managing family chores. Also, children should be required to do their assigned chores EVERY DAY. By teaching them the value of consistency, you’ll help your children learn to be responsible for their part of the family routine and to know what is expected of them. They’ll also learn that they’re a vital part of the family organism. If your family keeps to a routine, you’ll find that it’s less of a hassle to get daily chores done, especially if you let your children learn to share the workload. The whole family will have more time for fun and relaxation.

FINICKY EATERS
If you’re like most households with children, you probably have at least one or two finicky eaters. One way to help these children try new foods is to let them help prepare a meal once a week. In this meal, they must include one new food that they have never tasted. Everyone must agree to taste the new food. You may even suggest eating one bite for each year of your child’s age. This may be a tall order for some, (especially if YOU adhere to the bite-per-year rule), but hopefully your child will give the new food a try, and look forward to planning next week’s meal.

Engage A Tutor
If your child is having difficulty in one or more of his subjects at school, you can try to help him yourself. It’s always good when parents oversee a child’s schoolwork. However, patience is more than a virtue when it comes to helping your child catch up with the others in his class. It’s a necessity.
If you find yourself snapping at your child because he doesn’t pick up on something as fast as you think he should, or he just doesn’t seem to grasp the necessary concepts, perhaps you should consider a tutor. The tutor doesn’t have to be a professional educator, either. If you know a bright and patient high school or college student that would be willing to help your child for $10 - $15 an hour, engage this person on a trial basis. Sometimes a little one-on-one patient attention will do wonders for a child having difficulty in school. It’s definitely worth a try!

Dealing With Bullies
Because of a growing concern about bullies and their effect on younger and weaker children, some schools are establishing programs to help identify and counsel children who tend to exhibit bullying traits at an early age. You might want to check to see whether your school has such a program. You’ll also want to observe your own child’s behavior with other children to make sure he or she doesn’t exhibit any bullying tendencies. If you do happen to notice that your child is overly aggressive and tends to bully smaller children or siblings, consider taking your child to a child psychologist. You’ll want to nip these traits in the bud.
To help protect your child from becoming the target of a bully, teach him or her to realize that one of the bully’s main objectives is to get is a reaction from his victims, whether in the form of anger, tears, or embarrassment. Teach your child that words are just words and that not allowing himself to be provoked may be the best solution in dealing with the bully one-on-one. Also encourage your child to talk to you about everything, so you can quickly discern whether your child has become the target of a bully.

Little Helpers
Kids love to help. It’s just that they don’t especially enjoy the tasks they could easily do well, such as picking up their toys, making their beds, or unloading the dishwasher. They prefer the more challenging tasks, such as cooking on the stove, chopping up the vegetables, mixing the cake batter, spraying the furniture polish - you get the drift.
Try letting your child help you with some of the more challenging tasks. They really can stir ingredients, measure things out, hold the mixer. If you alternate one coveted job with an assigned chore such as unloading the dishwasher, your child will learn that he must do what is expected before he can do what he wishes. Not only will he be learning a lesson in cooking or cleaning, he’ll be learning a lesson in life.

Know Your Child
You always want to help your child realize his special qualities, talents, gifts, and accomplishments. Talk with him frequently about his interests and find ways he can participate in activities that encourage or enhance that interest or talent. Keep in mind that children should not be forced to participate in activities in which they are not even remotely interested. However, offering children an outlet in which they can develop their natural interests and talents is mentally and socially healthy.
Be sure you realize the difference between your child’s reluctance to participate in a new activity and his total aversion to whatever the activity encompasses. Encourage your child’s interests and support him when he does venture out into a new group or activity.

Blowing Bigger Bubbles
Small children love to play with bubbles. For extra fun, make some unusual bubble blowing dippers. Any clean empty can with both ends removed will work well. First, make sure to smooth any sharp edges; then dip one opening into a bowl of bubble solution until a soapy film forms; now blow through the other end.
Make another fun bubble dipper from a two-liter plastic soft drink bottle. First, soak the bottle in hot water until you’re able to peel off the plastic base. Now cut off the end with a sharp knife. (Adult task.) Blow into the top of the bottle after dipping the large open end into the bubble solution. Both of these ideas should result in larger bubbles than an ordinary bubble wand. If you want large quantities of bubble solution for these larger dippers, mix 1/3 cup liquid dishwashing detergent with 2 quarts room temperature water and have a bubble-blowing contest with your child!

Road Games
If you’re planning a road trip with your children, you may already be dreading those long hours in the car between stops. And if your children are different ages, you may be pulling out your hair trying to figure a way to keep them all entertained.
Before your trip, visit your local Target or Kmart and buy three or four tapes or CDs of silly songs. Children of all ages enjoy listening to and singing along with these fun tunes. Some of the songs, such as "John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith," have been around for 50 years or more, so you’ll enjoy singing along yourself. These songs are a lot better for your kids - and far more entertaining - than "100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall."

Go Fly A Kite
Because March is traditionally the windiest month, it’s also a great time for kite flying. This is one fun activity you can share with your children of all ages. However, you need to keep a few safety rules in mind so everyone will be safer.
First, make sure the area you choose for your children to fly their kites is free from large rocks, drop-offs, or traffic. Children easily get preoccupied watching the kite in the air, and tend not to look where they’re running. If you can, fly your kites in a large open area, such as a park or field. Also check that there are no power lines in the area. Supervise small children closely, because the kite string may get wrapped around their wrists or fingers, which could lead to injury when pulled too tight.

 Building Self-Esteem In Children Under Six
How we feel about ourselves is a combination of self-respect and self-confidence. Children under six value physical abilities such as riding a bike, opening a jar of food, tying their shoes and skipping. Here are some suggestions to boost their self esteem.
- Tell your child he/she is loved unconditionally.
- Talk and listen to your child often.
- Provide clear boundaries for acceptable behavior.
- Praise children frequently, especially in public.
- Reinforce your children’s efforts when they have not been successful.
- Offer your child the opportunity to make choices.
- Work and play with your children to help them develop their physical abilities.

Communicating With Your Teen
Unfortunately, many parents base their authority upon fear and intimidation designed to maintain the status quo, which is to keep your teen in his place or out of the way so you won’t be challenged. Phrases such as "Because I said so" and "Because I’m you’re mother/father and I said so" convey disrespect to your teen because they dismiss him/her as a person. Such phrases send the message that a teen has no right to know the reasoning behind a decision that affects his/her life. "You have no respect for Authority" questions the "respect" you’re suppose to have for your teen.
Bottom line for parents: Teens respect authority that is fair, equal and preserves individual rights - authority that is based on concern and passion.

The Meaning Of ‘We’ll See’
Who is this "we?" Your child asks you a question, you’re the only person in sight, and you answer, "We’ll see." The other half of the "we" can’t possibly be your spouse. If it were, you’d say, "I’ll have to ask your father." It’s definitely a mystery to your child, this "we." Children interrupt this phrase as follows:
Meaning 1: I’m tired and busy and can’t deal with you right now.
Meaning 2: The answer is no, but I’m not going to get into a fight about it now by saying so.
Meaning 3: The answer depends on your behavior between now and then.
Meaning 4: You’ve stumbled on a secret and I’m not going to tell you.
Meaning 5: I bet you’re expecting me to say no, but believe or not, there is a chance I’ll say yes. (No wonder your child is frustrated.)

‘When I Was Your Age...’
This expression usually produces only yawns and rolled eyeballs indicating terminal boredom. The phrase usually means a lecture is about to begin, accompanied by an analysis, judgment, or put-down.
Unfortunately, these are bad habits parents have acquired from being parented in the same manner. Remember when you were your child’s age and how this comment made you feel. Did you behave in the same manner as your child? If so, you can’t get upset with your child as you are causng exactly the response you yourself gave your parents. Take this phrase out of your vocabulary, period.

What Teens Want Most From Parents
In my experience working with teens, the following are some of the most requested behavior changes that teens would like to see from their parents:
- Respect for privacy.
- Listen when they talk to you.
- Say "yes" more often than "no."
- Take them on short errands if they want to go with you.
(Hint: The car is the best place to have a conversation with your teen. Let your teen select the radio station, which will put her/him at ease.)
- Give your teen some reasons for your demands.
- Don’t criticize their choice of friends, music, clothes, or hair.
- "Chill," laugh, tease, and have fun with them.

Understanding Family Roles
See if these descriptions fit your family:
Family Hero: Usually the oldest child, the high achiever who works hard for approval and is usually very successful.
Scapegoat: This child takes the focus and the blame for the stress and pain of the family. Child usually gets stuck in this role and comes to believe he/she is genuinely bad, which in turn, contributes to the "bad" behavior.
Lost Child: Takes a "low profile" and works hard at not being noticed. Tries to get most emotional needs met in an isolated fashion.
Mascot: Seen as the lone child who lacks responsibility. Appears to be fragile and helpless and at other times may deflect emotional distress with humor.

What Can I Do About My Nagging Parents?
First, remember that you are also contributing to the nagging. If you want to get your parent to stop this behavior, you must also be willing to stop your own precipitating behavior. This is called cause and effect. Remember the five W’s and you’ll be fine. Tell your parents Where you are going; What you will be doing; When you will be back; Who you are going with; and finally, Why it’s important to you.
Give the five W’s a try and you’ll notice they nag you less since you’re assuming some responsibility for your own activities. Remember you must follow through with the information you give if you want to be trusted - in other words, come home at 11 if you said you would. Trust works: You’ll get to go out more often and stay out longer if your parents feel they can trust you.

When Should I Talk To My Child About Sex?
Fortunately, this generation has the opportunity to learn about this question through Health classes at school. If you want to know more about what your children are being taught, pick up the phone or take a trip to their school to speak to their teachers. Decide at that point whether your children are getting the information you want them to have. If not, there are many books written just for teens on this subject. Finding the right approach depends on your relationship with your teen and how open your communication is.
I have had parents ask me as their child’s counselor to discuss this issue with them. One suggestion might be to find out what adult is closest to your teen and ask this adult to have a talk with him/her. The adult could be a favorite aunt or a soccer coach. The bottom line is - It doesn’t have to be you.

Building Self Esteem (Ages 6-12):
The middle years are a time when children develop academic, physical, and social skills. Use the following suggestions:
- Encourage your child to join constructive groups.
- Actively support group activities your child enjoys.
- Offer opportunities for your child to develop skills in a variety of areas: music, art, writing, sports, etc.
- Make your home available to friends.
- Allow your child to have time for friends and activities.
- Support your child’s need to develop friendships and interests that may be different from yours.
- Help your child show off his/her accomplishments.

Building Your Child’s Confidence And Strength
Show confidence in your child by giving him specific responsibilities and asking your child’s opinion or advice from time to time. In addition, try to avoid the temptation to rescue your child when he/she is in a difficult situation; letting your child work his way out of a dilemma will help to build his self-confidence. You can also mail a letter to your child telling him how you’ve noticed his behavior.
Build on your child’s strengths by acknowledging what she does well. Concentrate on improvement, not perfection. Don’t forget to give positive feedback as your child improves her abilities and/or behavior. Send your child a card of encouragement.

Building Your Child’s Independence
Separate your child’s worth from her accomplishments and mistaken actions. Appreciate your child’s uniqueness by telling her how much you value her regardless of her behavior. Let your child do things for him- or herself. Allow her to make her own decisions on such issues as which friends she wants to invite to parties and what clothing she wears to school.

Dressing Appropriately For School (Ages 4-7)
If you have a problem with what your child chooses to wear to school, it’s probably because he hasn’t yet learned the developmental skills or is just learning to match patterns and colors. First and foremost BE PATIENT and do not criticize your child’s choices. For children in grades pre-school through first, it’s appropriate to present your child a sticker saying, "I’m proud of dressing myself."
Separate school clothes and shoes from play clothes and shoes; winter clothes and shoes from summer clothes and shoes. Then, help your child select what he’d like to wear for the week by organizing the outfit in pairs. Roll the outfit together, then place back in a drawer marked "School Clothes." You might want to use a color code for younger children. Tell your child he/she may select any one of these outfits to wear to school. If you’ve done your job separating winter from summer clothing, don’t make a big deal about his choice.

Punishment Vs. Logical Consequences
I strongly recommend parents explore the use of logical consequences in place of punishment. What’s the difference?
Punishments place the responsibility of your teen’s actions on others. Instead of developing self-discipline, a sense of conscience, and morality in your teen, punishments encourage your child to think of his behavior in terms of "What can I get away with?"
Logical Consequences are based in reality. They send a clear message to your teen, "Hey, you did something that wasn’t cool; you get what you get based on your actions." As a result of logical consequences, your teen feels like you’re treating him with respect and he can take ownership of his behavior. For example:
Negative Behavior: Coming home late for dinner.
Punishment: Grounded from school activities and friends for two weeks.
Logical Consequence: Going hungry or eating cold food.

Building Self-Esteem (Ages 13-18):
The most important task for teens is to develop their own sense of who they are. And as a parent, you can help.
- Respect your teenagers’ need for privacy.
- Encourage teens to bring friends home.
- Encourage your teen to make his/her own decisions-and reinforce them whenever possible.
- Spend time learning something together.
- Listen to what your teen is saying.
- Talk about issues facing today’s teens.
- Keep a sense of humor.

Punishment And Teens
A continuing argument in the criminal justice system is whether punishment rehabilitates the criminal. As a parent, you might want to ask the same question. Does punishment rehabilitate my teen?
Punishments emphasize the power of the parent and the defenselessness of your teen. Punishment is based on threats and revenge. Punishments make your teen feel afraid, hurt, guilty, and unloved. Punishments lead to rebellion, dishonesty, and a desire to get even. Ultimately, punishments don’t work, as your teen will surely refuse to submit to you sooner or later. Your teens will yell or hit back, storm out the house instead of going to their rooms, hang out with friends you disapprove of. Remember, as you escalate your teen’s punishments, he/she will increase their defiance.

Your Child’s Best Teacher
If you want your child to have appropriate behaviors, you as parents must take ownership of modeling what those behaviors are. Your child will behave as you behave. If you yell and scream when you are angry, chances are your child will do the same. If you use foul language when scolding your child, chances are s/he will use foul language when scolding you. If you use drugs and alcohol, chances are your child will use drugs and alcohol. If you don’t value an education, club or sports activities, chances are your child won’t either. Remember, if your child is displaying inappropriate behaviors, it’s time to take a long, hard look at yourselves.

What Teens Want From Parents
Teens want to be encouraged when they do a good job. Let your teen teach you something; you don’t always have to be the teacher. Don’t show too much affection in public—this isn’t cool. Let them take some risks; you did when you were their age. Try not to miss their ball games, school plays, or other activities that are special to them. Encourage family activities that include your teen’s presence at least once a month. Take the time to explain things or give reasons for your decisions. Don’t show friends pictures of your teen taken when he was little; ask his permission first.

Know Your Child
Spending time with your children is important. If you have more than one child, try to spend individual time with each. It is important to realize each of your children has a distinct personality. Be sure to allot time for each of your children, even if it’s 15 minutes a day sitting with them in their rooms asking how their day went. Try getting your child away from the other siblings so you can get to know each one’s personality—even if you must take them to the store with you to have some time alone.

My Son Won’t Talk To Me
Your child may be doing exactly what you want him to do: not say anything. If you have a partner in the home, ask him/her if they have observed you cutting off your child when he has attempted to speak to you or make a suggestion. You may be role-modeling the attitude "Children should be seen and not heard." Try to ask your child simple questions about his favorite toy, movie, or book. Keep in mind your child is the "mirror" of his growing up environment. You may want to consider family counseling if your son continues this behavior.

Hang Out With Your Teen
The best time to hang out with your teen is, frankly, never! A teen’s schedule changes with every phone call she receives, which means 10-25 times a day. Parents too often force their teen to spend time with the family, time that ends up being miserable for all.
Start teaching your teen the world of ‘Negotiation.’ Say something like, "I’ll allow you go sleep over at your best friend’s home this weekend if you’re willing to set aside four hours next weekend to spend with the family. And you must bring a positive attitude with you."

Runaway Children
Why do children run away from home? Depending on the age of your child, there can be many different reasons. The bottom line: There is a lack of communication between you and your child. I suggest professional interventions, such as counseling, so a third party can help facilitate in the communication process between you and your child.

Indicators For Professional Help
Use these indicators to decide when to get professional help:
Depression (that doesn’t go away after two weeks)
Suicidal behaviors, thoughts or gestures
Drug and alcohol use (that is not experimental)
Failing in school and/or Legal problems
Sexually active and unselective
Having no friends and hating self
Being sexually and/or physically abused
A parent who is a substance abuser
Sudden weight loss or gain
You as the parent will want to watch for any of these markers.

Family Meeting, Part I
For your initial family meeting, have everyone in the family sit at a table. This puts everyone on an equal eye level. The first meeting should be brief, just 15 minutes long, but long enough to set the ground rules and explain how each family member will get a chance to talk.
Plan something fun to do together after each meeting. Rotate who will serve as chairman and secretary, and have the secretary take notes at each meeting. Rules to follow will appear in tomorrow’s tip.

Family Meeting, Part 2
This meeting will not be used as a gripe session. The chair acts as the mediator to make sure everyone follows the rules. They include:
Start all sentences by using, "I feel…"
Make eye contact with the person you are talking to.
No interrupting.
No put downs, sarcastic comments, or swearing.
No one gets to leave the meeting.
Tomorrow’s tip: Agenda for Meeting

Family Meeting-The Agenda
Here is an outline for an agenda:
- Review previous meeting notes
- Discuss calendar events for the week (Talk about chore assignments here)
- Discuss financial matters (allowances)
- Bring up any sibling problems
- Ask about new business
- Discuss future plans (vacations, prom, sports activities, etc.)
Good luck on your Family Meeting!

Step Families
On whom do I focus? Focus on the entire family. Problems should be discussed and resolved immediately, using a weekly family meeting. Parents, do not argue in front of the children, as this allows the children to choose sides, and they usually choose the custodial parent. This will add to the conflict and anger experienced in your blended family.

Step Families
On whom do I focus? Focus on the entire family. Problems should be discussed and resolved immediately, using a weekly family meeting. Parents, do not argue in front of the children, as this allows the children to choose sides, and they usually choose the custodial parent. This will add to the conflict and anger experienced in your blended family.
 

Equal Respect
My child is so disrespectful to me - what can I do?
The bottom line: Children will mimic the respect given to them. Ask yourself if you are being truly respectful to your child. Too often, we think because a child is not of equal size, lacks life experiences, or adult intelligence, s/he deserves less than equal respect.

I Do Everything!
Then Stop! If you continue to do everything for your child, you deny him/her the chance to gain vital "problem-solving skills." In addition, you teach your child that you will solve all problems. Picking up your child’s clothes or toys merely teaches the child you are the servant.

Child’s Input
How do I involve my child in activities on a daily basis?
Allow your child the opportunity to be a part of both fun and work in your home. Children can help plan vacations and do regular meaningful chores. By including both hard work and planning in your child’s family activities, you’ll teach your child the meaning of "resourcefulness."

Successful Parenting
What is the key to being a successful parent?
Encouragement, not criticism, is the key to a family’s success. Example: Place all of your child’s spelling tests on the refrigerator even if s/he didn’t get a 100 percent. Place emphasis on "Effort" not "Perfection."

Perfection Creates Anxiety
My third grader is always nervous before any test. What can I do?
An anxious child is a child worried about pleasing you. Explain to your child that no matter what the results will be, you are proud of the "effort" s/he has put into preparing for the test and for learning something new.

Competition
y child is so competitive in and out of the family. Why is this?
Competitive children strive for success because they believe only in themselves and do not care what others are doing. Children need to learn to cooperate and not compete in the family. Who in the family exhibits this type of behavior? Your child may be mimicking either or both parents.

A Parent’s Job
What is my main job as a parent?
In a healthy family, the job of the parents is to take care of the children. In an unhealthy family, the job of the children is to take care of the parents.

Can Kids Question?
I’ve been told kids should never question their parents. Is this true?
In a healthy family, the messages are clear and understood. If they are not, they can be questioned. In an unhealthy family, there are double messages, leading to confusion and guessing. The way you were parented is probably how you will parent.

Withholding Love
I get so upset with my child; it’s hard to love her at times. What should I do?
In a healthy family, the child is always loved even if the child’s behavior is unacceptable. In an unhealthy family, the child is shamed and the person is confused with the behavior. If love was withheld from you as a child, you may have been taught this behavior is acceptable parenting.

Good Behavior
When you need your toddler to be on his best behavior:
- Clown around; turn whines into giggles by whistling, popping your finger out of your mouth.
- Make a getaway to a different setting. A breath of fresh air can be soothing to a fussy kid.
- Don’t allow too much stimulation from a lot of well-meaning people; this will backfire.

School Problems
My kid doesn’t get math. What can I do to help?
First, say to your child, "Yes, you will get it eventually." Tell your child to calm down, take a five-minute break, and stop talking in a negative way. The reason s/he feels frustrated is because your child is actually convincing herself she "Can’t get it." Encourage your child to call a friend to help explain the concept.

Blame Everyone Else
My child blames everyone else when something goes wrong. What can I do?
Apparently your child has had some bad experiences at being "wrong." Children will avoid feeling this way at all cost, just as adults will. Take your child out to his or her favorite place to eat and let him or her know that it’s okay to "mess up."

Another chance
I give my child chance after chance, but he still lies to me. What can I do?
It may be that your punishment is too harsh. The reason he’s lying again may be related to an attempt to avoid the punishment associated with the lying. Start over and just erase the past. Tell your child you’ve been too hard on him.

I Want To Go, Too!
My older child refuses to let his younger sibling tag along. What can I do?
Talk alone with your older child and encourage him to occasionally take his younger brother or sister to those activities where he won’t feel embarrassed at having a tag-along younger sibling. Explain that it’s a compliment that his younger brother likes him this much and encourage him not to burn any bridges; he may need his younger sibling’s help as they grow up together.

My granddaughter won’t come home after school. What can we do to help?
My first thought about your granddaughter is to find out if there is a situation at home that she is trying to avoid. Invite her out to her favorite place to eat and ask her (as her grandmother - not her mother) whether there is something or someone she is trying to avoid. Agree to keep what she tells you confidential. If you feel you must confront the problem on her behalf, ask for her permission first. If it’s the case of a possible abuse issue, contact your local Child Protective Services for guidance; you do not have to give your name when speaking to a social worker. Good luck!

Preventing Jealousy
Consider these few steps to prevent sibling jealousy:
- Encourage your children to develop special interests and skills of their own.
- Spend time alone with each child, even if you just run errands together or go out for an ice-cream cone.
- Include the whole family in a child’s success. Example: Praise the other siblings for being supportive and going to their sister’s (possibly boring) dance recital.

Parenting Help
Being a parent is a full time job and extremely stressful. Most parents never had classes on parenting prior to having children, and the parents who have taken courses usually are court-ordered to do so because of reported cases of abuse. If you feel you’re having difficulties in parenting your child, don’t wait until you are court-ordered to receive help. Confidential help is available through many churches, non-profit organizations, and Family Counseling centers. Examine your relationship with your child and get some help if the following symptoms occur:
- Ignoring or avoiding your child,
- Yelling and/ or spanking your child uncontrollably,
- Degrading your child verbally,
- Feeling your child is an inconvenience to you,
- Wishing your child were never born,
- Just plain disliking your child.

iscovering Special Talents
Introduce your child to an array of experiences—plays, concerts, sports events, and even sewing. Keep your eyes and ears open to what gets him really excited. Let your child ask if he can learn more about the subject you’ve introduce him to. Remember, just because you wanted to be a concert pianist doesn’t necessarily mean your son does.

Change One Thing
To parent is to make mistakes. Many of you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over again knowing you’d like to change but not knowing what else to do. Most parents rely on their gut feelings or their own past experiences.
Take a minute and ask yourself, if you could change one thing about your parenting style what would it be? And why? If you can’t think of what else to do, I’d advise you to call another parent and ask him/her for an opinion. This exchange of ideas helps build a support network so you will not feel alone in your mistakes; in addition you’ll feel more secure about your parenting and you’ll be helping another parent, as well.

Praise In Small Steps
Think back to the role models in your own life. You may have chosen a relative, a scientist, a nurse, a sports figure, or a movie star. Each one portrayed a certain "passion" about his/her work. Perhaps this is why they were your role models, besides the fact that most of these role models strove for "perfection."
Passionate kids have a tendency to aim for the same goals as their role models. This can cause undue stress in your child’s life. For example, if your child wants to be like a certain famous artist, she may draw the same picture over and over before she’s satisfied. As a parent, you can help her deal with the stress of wanting to be "perfect" by rewarding her for small improvements so you emphasize the learning process. Remember to let her know that you made mistakes, too, as you learned a certain skill, and give her an example.

Stress In Your Child
Some children will strive for perfection in everything they do; however, though you want your child to do her best, you don’t want a stressed out child. Warning signs to watch for: crying in frustration, growing more and more furious with each mistake, rejecting praise, and blaming others for failure. To prevent this behavior, remember to reward in "small steps." If this behavior continues, seek professional help from a counselor trained in Child Play Therapy. This type of therapy takes place in a playroom setting in which children are allowed to interact with the counselor in "a child’s world — through play."

Thumb Sucking Granddaughter
My granddaughter has just turned seven and still sucks her thumb. Her parents have even resorted to having her wear a glove on her right hand, which does help; but as soon as it’s off, in goes the thumb. Do you have input for this situation?
According to the "Handbook Of Clinical Child Psychology," thumb sucking is a common behavior in children, with an onset between 3 and 9 months; it most often occurs immediately after feeding. Between two and three years of age, thumb sucking occurs less frequently during the day; at night, it may be associated with the child’s holding an object such as a blanket. Three- to four-year-olds suck mostly during the daytime when doing passive activities such as watching TV.
21% of all 6-year-olds and 5% of all 11-year-olds still engage in these behaviors. So your granddaughter has some company. "The habit occurs when the child is hungry, sleepy, frustrated, or fatigued. This behavior is maintained because of its pleasurable associations with feeding and alleviation of hunger for tension reduction to stress."
Thumb sucking is habit forming, and often difficult to treat — even though everyone from the mailman to counselors may offer opinions. My advice is to ignore the behavior. Consider starting a journal for her titled, "I Feel Happy Today," and every day she doesn’t suck her thumb, ask her to sit down and write how her day went, and then give her a bright sticker on that page.

Your Child’s Feelings, Part 1
Do you ever wonder how your child is feeling? Teach your child about the four basic feeling words: happy, sad, mad and scared. Make a poster with faces of these four feelings; hang it low so your child can point to a face when s/he is unable to express feelings verbally. Use these feeling words openly. Ask "How is your baby doll feeling today?" or "How is your car feeling today?" This will help your child learn to express feelings through a toy.
If your child is playing aggressively, this may be an indication of how she’s feeling. You can say, "Your race car is crashing into the blocks. Show me on the poster how your race car is feeling today." Accept your child’s feelings and don’t question your child as to why s/he is feeling the way s/he does. The next tip will explain why.

Your Child’s Feelings, Part 2
So you asked your child to point to a feeling, now what? In the previous tip, I suggested making a poster with four "feeling" faces (happy, sad, mad and scared) so you can teach your child to speak openly about his/her feelings. Once your child has either pointed or verbalized how he feels, you need to paraphrase. For example, you could say, "Did your race car crash into the block because it’s feeling sad?" What you’re after is a confirmation by your child, either shaking his head or saying, "Yes!" This active listening "validates" your child’s feelings and makes him feel important.
Think about your own situation: you may not know why you’re feeling the way you are, you just know that you are. The goal here is to let your child know you are validating his feelings by letting him know it’s okay to feel the way he does.

Child Parenting Approach
Are you your child’s playmate or buddy? This approach involves having lots of fun with your child. For example, you can play with your child using toys as a fun way to role model positive and responsible behavior with others. Games such as playing house, dressing up, cooking, and "doctor" teach your child nurturing skills necessary so s/he’ll be able to understand other peoples’ feelings and show compassion.
Playing games such as Operation, Jenga, or chess with a hyperactive child can teach concentration skills. Using a play approach is a great way to role model any behavior your child needs to learn in a positive environment. It is also a way of learning more about your child’s feelings. In the next tip, I’ll discuss teaching emotions during play.

Aggressive Parenting
Are you feeling out of control or do you frequent lose your temper with your children? If so, you may unintentionally be using the Aggressive Parenting approach; you want to avoid this parenting approach. Characteristics of this behavior include using any overpowering behavior that violates a child’s physical and emotional boundaries. Such behavior may involve kicking, punching, cursing, or name-calling. These actions only create fear and resentment in your child. In addition, you’re teaching your child violent behaviors that can backfire when your child gets big enough to use them against you.
If you model risky, unhealthy behaviors to your child — such as using drugs, drinking too much alcohol, excessive smoking, or engaging in criminal activity — you simply teach your child that such risk-taking behaviors are the norm. You may end up with medical, legal, and school problems that are emotionally and financially draining, not to mention a very unhappy and malfunctioning adult child.

Teaching Assertive Behavior
Want your child to grow up assertive, that is, not afraid to take risks in life? The flip side of being aggressive is being assertive. Behaviors such as risk-taking, sticking up for him/herself and showing anger, are skills your child will need in order to survive as an adult. For example, teaching your child to say NO! to a potential abuser or drug dealer means teaching her when to be defiant to adults in order to protect herself.
Your child’s ability to stick up for herself and others, especially in the case of unequal treatment, means that she will stand up for the values and morals you have taught her. And if you are uncomfortable with anger, remember that just anger is perfectly normal and healthy. Remember, people in certain professions use aggressive and risk-taking behaviors they learned as children for the betterment of society.

The Rescuer
Do you seem to get involved with extended family’s and/or friends’ issues? One reason could be the "training" you received as a child. For example, if your parents fought constantly, you may have attempted to "rescue" your mother from being yelled at by your father, thus making you the family "social worker." So, unconsciously you may "seek out" victims whom you feel need your help.
Many people who are the "helpers" in our society have good intentions and are naturally drawn towards bettering society. The major problem with being a rescuer is you can easily get burnt out trying to take on the problems of everyone in your life. You may feel taken advantage of and that no one cares about you nor bothers to ask you if you need help. These feelings can build up, causing you to feel resentment toward family and friends, especially if you feel everyone is constantly dumping on you.